Flickers of Hope
by MoonytheMarauder1
Summary: James sets Remus up on a blind date, Remus isn't expecting much. There's a lot of emotional baggage, a lot of pain, and a lot of worry. But Sirius isn't one to be deterred by all that, apparently. Wolfstar. Warnings inside.


**A/N: Hey y'all! This is Wolfstar… and though the warnings look awful, I promise it's not so bad. **

**Word Count: 1518**

**WARNINGS: Car accident references that led to paralysis below the waist, PTSD-induced panic attack, language, some self-hate, mentioned attempted murder**

**Enjoy!**

Remus wheeled himself into the little cafe, nervous beyond belief. James had promised him that the bloke he would be meeting was a nice guy, but Remus remained unconvinced. There just wasn't anyone out there who could handle Remus' emotional baggage.

It was a humiliating fact, but a fact all the same. James really did have too much faith in him.

He wasn't sure why he was humoring his friend, but seeing as he was already in the cafe, well… he might as well see how the day went. Remus was sure, though, that it would be his last blind date for a _very_ long time.

The owners of the little shop were friends of his, so the layout was very wheelchair-friendly—which Remus appreciated. He might have been self-conscious about the fact that Alice and Frank had done it largely to accommodate him if it weren't for their son, whose fibromyalgia made him wheelchair bound.

So Remus wheeled his way to a secluded corner in the back, where he'd been instructed to wait for the man who was supposed to show up. He glanced down at his watch anxiously, his amber eyes worried. There was always that fear in the back of his mind that he'd be left to wait for hours before returning home humiliated.

James said that this low self-esteem was a result of the car accident that had left his legs useless, and that, with time, Remus wouldn't feel that way anymore. Remus wasn't quite sure he believed his friend.

Alice passed by then, shooting him a warm smile. "James told me he was setting you up. Coffee while you wait?"

Remus flashed her a grateful smile. "Yes, thanks." A sudden thought struck him, and he looked at Alice suspiciously. "Do you know who he is?" He gestured to the empty seat across from him.

Alice's brown eyes sparkled with mirth. "I do. I think you two will hit it off just fine."

Remus rubbed the back of his neck. "I hope so," he murmured.

Alice patted him gently on the back, then hurried away to make his coffee. Left alone to his thoughts once more, Remus drummed his fingers on the table. Every few seconds, he glanced at his watch.

One minute passed, then two, then three, then ten—ten minutes after he was supposed to meet whoever James set him up with.

Uneasiness spread through Remus. He kept telling himself that it was normal to be late—maybe there was traffic, or maybe the bloke's ride had broken down. Anything could have happened.

Alice has long since delivered his coffee, and though Remus drank it slowly, he was at the dregs by now.

He looked around helplessly, hating that this had happened once again. His date had probably walked in, seen his predicament and decided that it just wasn't worth—

"Hi! Hi, I'm so sorry I'm late." The chair across from Remus was now occupied by a frazzled-looking, incredibly handsome man. Remus' eyes widened. "I promise I'm not usually this late; I couldn't find the harness for Padfoot, here, and, well…"

Remus glanced down, belatedly noticing the large, black service dog at the other man's feet. Remus felt himself relax in the animal's presence, and offered the other man a soft smile. "It's no problem. So, erm, James sent you?"

"Yeah." A blinding smile was thrown Remus' way. "I'm Sirius Black, your date who's apparently" —Sirius glanced at the clock on the wall and winced— "twenty minutes late."

Remus' lips quirked, and her berated himself for his panic before Sirius arrived. "I'm Remus Lupin. I'm glad you decided to come today."

"Well, James has been going on and on about you—I feel like I knew everything about you, besides your name." Sirius barked out a laugh.

Remus smiles nervously, his hands tightening around the armrests of his chair. "Everything?"

By the looks of it, Sirius hadn't missed his nervousness; he didn't comment on it, though. "He told me how brilliant you were in school, and that you want to be a teacher—which is really cool, by the way." Sirius beamed at him. "He also said you're great with kids and animals, which was a relief to hear, seeing as this guy's around always." Sirius leaned down to scratch Padfoot behind the ear, and the dog eagerly leaned into the touch.

Remus watched the display of affection with a smile on his face. "He seems sweet," he murmured quietly.

Sirius beamed at him. "He is."

And as though that had been some sort of verbal permission, Padfoot padded over and licked Remus' hand. Remus let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding at gently scratched at the dog's head, unaware that Sirius was watching him closely.

Then a little thought, unbidden but not unwelcome, flitted through Remus' mind: _this isn't so bad._

Sirius cleared his throat. "I can see James was right. Padfoot loves you."

Embarrassed, Remus withdrew his hand. "Sorry, I… I was distracted."

Sirius waved the apology away. "Don't be. Padfoot isn't just trained to detect low blood sugar—I'm diabetic—he's also trained as a therapy dog. I don't mind sharing him from time to time." The look in Sirius' eyes was all too knowing.

Remus flushed. "James told you, then? About the… accident?"

Sirius leaned forward, his dark hair falling over his shoulders. "He mentioned it when it happened, yeah. Was always talking about how brave you were, and I have to agree."

"There was nothing brave about that," Remus argued in a strangled voice. "That was—it was—"

Flashes of the event invaded his mind. His boyfriend driving, the swerve of the car, the awful crunch as the vehicle crashed, the _all-consuming pain_—

A warm head pushed its way under Remus' hands, and they moved of their own accord down to grip Padfoot's torso tightly. Remus took a moment to get his breathing under control, using Padfoot to ground himself subconsciously.

He was dimly aware of Sirius murmuring softly to him, but careful not to touch him, for which Remus was grateful. The words _you're having a flashback_ got through to him, and it was only then that the panic stopped increasing. Eventually, Remus had calmed down enough that he could speak.

"Sorry," he whispered. "Fuck. I'm _sorry_."

Sirius slid a cup of tea over—he must have retrieved it for Remus—and shook his head softly. "No, that was my fault. I didn't mean to trigger anything, and I'm sorry I did."

Remus took the tea, his hands shaking. "It's fine." Padfoot was still nuzzled against Remus, and Remus hoped the dog wouldn't move away.

Remus cleared his throat. "I don't blame you if it's too much," he whispered. "It usually is."

Sirius looked astonished. "No, Remus, it's not. My brother has panic attacks, too." He watched Remus carefully. "Do you want to go somewhere more private? Should I call someone?"

There was almost no one in the cafe and their table was very much hidden from any passerby, so Remus shook his head. Besides, he needed the familiar setting. "No," he rasped. "No, I'm… fine."

Sirius nodded. An uncomfortable silence overwhelmed them, and Remus stared down at his lap, hating his own weakness. This was just supposed to be a date, and he'd exposed himself in the worst way possible.

But Sirius hadn't gone running.

And then, suddenly, Remus felt like he had to explain himself.

"He… my boyfriend at the time was driving. I didn't know it then, but he wasn't… well. He crashed the car deliberately, and—and I was _terrified_, I wasn't brave, and I didn't understand why I was still… I still don't understand why, and, and shit. Shit."

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, tears almost leaking out. He didn't know why he was unloading on Sirius, but even though it was humiliating, it felt good to correct this stranger's assumption that he was brave. Because he wasn't. He wasn't someone to be admired or revered; he was just broken, but not quite shattered.

Sirius stretched out a hand, palm up. Remus hesitated, then placed his own scarred one on top.

Sirius met his eyes. "I want to do this again."

Remus tensed. Somehow, he knew exactly what Sirius was referring to. "I don't want a pity date."

"It's not one," Sirius promised. "Listen, James told me a lot about you, and I don't think that one encounter is a good way to see how right he was. I'd like to get to know you for myself."

Sirius' smile was kind and genuine, and Remus was almost certain that he did not deserve the person in front of him.

But Sirius was waiting for a response, so Remus nodded slowly. "I'd like that."

To his surprise, Sirius didn't leave after that. Instead, he stayed and chatted with Remus. The awkwardness melted away, and then Remus found himself truly enjoying the outing. And it… it gave him hope. Because Sirius was different, and interested, and had his own upward battles.

When Sirius pecked him on the cheek before leaving, Remus thought he might combust.

The idea made him grin.


End file.
